Don't try this recipe at home

We’ve seen them before. Recipes which are so hard to even contemplate, that you require a BEX and a lie down just by thinking about them.

Here's a few tips to spot the recipe that you shouldn’t attempt

‘Now take your Bison haunch hung for 7 months…..’

‘Turn the deep fryer up to 182.3 degrees…..’

‘Adding the twelfth layer of the cake is quite simple….’

‘Maggie, Stephanie and I just giggled like Schoolgirls when we…..’

‘Have your housekeeper retrieve the jar of Ghost Orchids in nectar from your cellar….’

‘For the custard, Kopi Lewak beans are essential; do not attempt this without them…’

‘The circulator should only have a flutter of excitement rippling on the surface water……’

‘After one week marinating in Llama milk, the pig Labia’s will be sufficiently dilated….’

‘If Xactopotl 99% coca beans aren’t available, use Cadburys Old Gold….’

‘If you are able to get close enough to the decomposing cadaver with retching, it’s not ready yet….’

‘The children will enjoy guessing which of the eggs has the fossilised duck embryo in it…’

‘For authenticity, freshly milled Dogwood logs from the lower Tarkine must be used in your smokehouse….’

‘First obtain your gun licence….’

‘Making sure your Yacht is securely moored before getting the captain to haul in the Tuna…’

‘Feel free to add any more…..’