Mongrel Lap-Dog Bites back!

“Where are the mongrels of the blogging community? The dissenting voices? The anarchists?”

Was this a cry for Yelp? A lamenting geyser for Trip Advisor? A lampoon of Urban Spoon? A wishful epilogue for Menu Log? No, these forums are apparently OK.  

No this was Food Blogger Baiting on a slow news day. 

Disconcertingly, for someone apparently ahead of the curve, his was a late arrival in the snaking conga line of professional journalists who get stuck into bloggers. We’ve heard it all before,

They take freebies blah blah. They are sell-outs, blah blah. Yawn.

I will give credit where credit is due though; Food bloggers as PR Lap-dogs is Gold!

Firstly let us tell you how he arrived at this point.

Many moons ago lived a reviewer who wielded a mighty power. He cut a divisive swathe through the restaurant scene and all dutifully fell into line behind his judgment lest they be cast to the ‘outer’.

After some time at the top of his game a rival paper lured him away and like Mick Malthouse he found himself suiting up in the wrong teams’ colours.

It was then as if overnight, he vanished from view, his powers dissipated and his opinions unheeded...

Meanwhile his new employers began to rattle their sabres. ‘We thought you had everyone’s ear? You’re supposed to be the big Cheese’ they said, their words stinging.

Something had to be done to regain his grip on influence.

Flicking through the Critics Playbook he arrived at page 45 and the chapter entitled,

‘How to take down a legend’.

He gobbled up the instruction and before we knew it, a venerable restaurant in every state had been roasted without mercy.

The readership spiked and the bosses re-sheathed their cutlasses. He could breathe easy again.

For a while that is.

Once again he needed to appease his masters.

Whilst dancing to the papers pipers tune he desperately threw ideas at the board until one of them stuck.

‘A fifty hottest list you say?’ they said glancing approvingly at each other.

‘Why yyyyes, it’ll be huge, all of those jokers will fall over themselves to be included’ he stammered, relieved.

The circulation spiked again and the chiefs were appeased.

He wasn’t going to let this uncertainty happen again and so he devised a plan to fan the flames of his audience by baiting those amateur critics out there.

But for ho long will this desperate scheme last? Isn’t it better to make yourself relevant in an ever changing world? As the bloggers Stat-Counters demonstrate, content is King.

If we could draw a comparison between the reviewer in question and Kim Jong Un, it would go like this: 

Both suffer from an attention seeking disorder, both feel the need to exercise power by baiting their detractors and it seems everyone thinks they’d do a better job than themselves.

Thankyou, for bringing out the mongrel in us.